Alpha Male
by Spoot Poot
Summary: When 3 young men get trapped in the pit of a stomach...read to find out! One Shot


Spoot: ok guys! We got a job to do!

Ling: and I will be happy to work...but I'm so-

Ed: Dont say hungry!

Envy: Dear god! as if being Trapped in fatties belly wasn't bad enough!

Spoot: we're doomed...

Alpha Male

Ed, Ling, and Envy were sitting triangle style. Ed and Envy facing one another, and Ling sitting in between the two. His head darting back and forth between them. Ed and Envy were in the middle of a contest. the kind that calls for a lot of starring. Ed's eyes were tearing up, and Envy looked red. But neither of them were ready to give up. someone had to be top dog. Someone had to be the alpha male.

It happened as swift as lightning. Envy had blinked. Ed shot up into a jump, declaring victory. Envy slumped over, and placed his chin in his hands. "Well, looks like its my turn!" Said Ling. Envy looked over at him with a board expression. "Yeah, alright." He mumbled. So Ling took Ed's place. and Ed took his.

When Envy lost to Ling, it became clear that he was not good at holding his eyes open for too long. Now it was up to Ed and Ling, to find out who was on top! Envy was sitting in between them, and watching their every move. Ling's eyes seemed closed, but Envy was positive that s just how he looked. Xings...I know right! Ed was doing fine for a moment, then it all came undone when he sneezed. Ling was the winner.

"NO! That's not fair, and you know it! do-over!" Ed snapped. Ling looked over at him, from his little acclaim. "Oh no! forget about it! I won, fair and square!" He said, then went back to his victory dance. "No you didn't! I sneezed!" Ed said, then an idea crossed his face. "Light bulb!" He squealed, snapping his fingers. The other boys looked over at him. "Arm Wrestling!" He shouted.

Ling could feel his eyes about to bulge out of his head, and his arm was about to break. Envy was strong, that was no lie. But he couldn't let this little alien win! before long, Envy had slammed his hand down. "DAMN IT!" Ling yelped, wagging his hand, then caressing it. "you're up." he said to Ed. Ling had lost to him only moments before. Ed sat down in front of Envy.

"Are you ready short stuff..."

"Bring it on, you walking palm tree."

Ed propped his automail arm up on the rock, and glared at Envy, and Envy did the same, glaring at Ed, with a wicked smile. "No tricks." He said. and Ed nodded. "No tricks." He agreed. The two clapped their hands together, and grasped tight. Ling put his hands on theirs, and counted to three, then let go.

Envy had lost, in a heart beat. he waved his hand around, and hissed at Ed, who just giggled. "You know what I don't get..." Ling said, looking up. The other boys looked up as well. "Whats that?" Ed asked. "We've been in here for a long time, and all we've done is try to best each other...shouldnt we be trying to get out?" Ling's words fell on deaf ears. "WRESTLING MATCH!" Envy shouted, tackling Ed to the ground. Ling looked on in annoyance, then decided to pounce on the two of them with a war cry.

Envy was sitting on a rock, brooding, and nursing a wound. Ling lay flat on his face, complaining of hunger pains. Ed lay in his back, looking up at a black obis. "Ok, so that was a miscalculation, on my part." said Envy. Ed sat up. "first thing I'm gunna do when I get outta here, is head straight for a shower."

"I'm gunna make a pass at Lust." Envy said.

"Oh, barf." Snapped Ling. "I'm gunna eat!" he said, sitting up. This gave Ed an idea. He sat up as well. "Hey, do you guys know how to make a sandwich?" Ling and Envy looked over at the blond. "Yeah, bread, turkey, lettus, tomato-" Ling was cut off. "YUCK! you put tomato on your sandwich!" Envy shouted. "Yes, I do! Its delicious!" The two began to argue.

"No, no! I meant ingredients! It might be possible for me to transmute some food!" Ed shouted. This made Ling stop talking. Envy was still speaking, so Ling grabbed his mouth. "You can make food? real food? better than a boot?"

"HEY! you said it tasted good!"

"I was still delirious from the hunger...It tasted like feet..."

"Well, it was a boot!" Ed shouted. "Anyway, if you guys help me find all the ingredients I need, I can make food."

Ed had made a list, of all the things he needed, and after several hours, the other two boys had produced enough items. Ed got down on his knees in front of the items, he drew the familiar circle, and clapped his hands together. The other boys looked on in amazement, Ling was even drooling. The sparks began to fly, and before long...3 lovely looking sandwiches presented themselves before the young men.

Ling looked pleased. Envy was flat on his back with a full belly. Ed was looking at half a sandwich. Ling looked over at him. "Are you gunna eat the rest of your sandwich?" he asked. Ed looked up at him, he looked sad, in a way. "Huh? nah...I don't want it..." He said softly. Ling snatched it up, and took a bite. then asked, "Why?" Ed looked like he was ready to laugh. "I sneezed on it..." Ling's eyes opened wide, and he spit masticated sandwich everywhere...Thats when Ed got an idea.

Three boys sat in a circle, staring at a half eaten sandwich. the boys were trying to see who would eat it first. who was man enough. "To be fair, I did already take a bite." said Ling. "rules clearly state, one must take a bite, Chew at least 5 times, then swallow." Said Ed, going all college professor on him. "In fact, we should up the ante...dip it in belly muck." Said Envy. it was a good plan, he had no problem with the muck. and it would surely get rid of Pipsqueak germs...but Ling caught on.

An hour went by. Ed finally became frustrated, and grabbed up the sandwich, and gobbled it up. "Whoe!" Ling said, under his breath. "Yeah..." mumbled Envy. they were looking over at him in amazement. "Hmm? What? I was still hungry to be honest, and...well, their my germs."

"Well, then that's not fair!" Ling snapped.

"He's right! there's got to be a better way to solve our problem!" said Envy. He must have come up with an idea, because his face lit up. "I have a bad feeling about this." Ed squeaked. "I want you to provoke me." Envy snapped.

"WHAT!" Shouted Ed.

"Provoke me!" Envy snapped back.

Within the hour Envy was provoked, and very angry...so angry he became a bit hard to handle...and a sevear fight broke out between The three. Ed and Ling verses GIANT MUTATED ENVY! This action soon gave Ed another idea. one that would get them out of where they were.

Once out of Gluttony's belly, the three were sitting on the ground looking on at the one, the only...Father. Envy turned to Ling and Ed. "Anyone wanna prove how manly they are now?" he hissed. Envy hid behind Ed, who then tried to hide behind him. "No, no! its ok!" Ling snapped. "No really, you're so manly!" Ed said, shoving Ling. "Me! no way! not me! you're the bad ass!" Ling said, shoving Ed back. Envy looked over at Father. "Friends of yours?" Father asked. Envy shrugged. proving to everyone, he was in fact, the man!

Spoot: not the best ending.

Envy: Oh it was great!

Ed: because you looked good!

Ling: I'm going home...

Spoot: I hope you loved this!


End file.
